My Burning Heart
by Within These Walls
Summary: Takes places after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon.  I've always wanted to see Bella's character grow, so we'll see where this takes us.  First fan fic.  Please review!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. Any & all Twilight characters used in this chapter and any that follow do NOT belong to me, but to one, Stephenie Meyer. **

**This is my first fan fic, and I'm finally continuing after abandoning it a year ago. RL whipped my ass, and I'm finally getting into my writings once again. **

**PSA: Bella is in a dark place until the second chapter.**

**Rated M for language, future chapters, and for the citrus sitting on my counter waiting to be used. What better way to quench your thirst in the south, than with a nice tall cold glass of sweet sweet lemonade!**

**Psst...I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. If you want to be my beta (I'm begging here!) PM me! Oh, and REVIEW!**

Prologue

I always imagined death would be excruciatingly painful. But this was worse, much worse. Hell couldn't hold a flame to the burning that now seared my shattered heart. Every piece of me was broken, nothing left intact. In the beginning I begged for death; anything to extinguish the flames that engulfed my heart. But now I welcomed the inferno that was a constant reminder of him. Every blaze established the fact he was real.

For me, he would always exist.


	2. Welcome to Hell

**A/N: Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. Any & all Twilight characters used in this chapter and any that follow do NOT belong to me, but to one, Stephenie Meyer. **

**This is my first fan fic, and I'm finally continuing after abandoning it a year ago. RL whipped my ass, and I'm finally getting into my writings once again. **

**PSA: Bella is in a dark place until the second chapter.**

**Rated M for language, future chapters, and for the citrus sitting on my counter waiting to be used. What better way to quench your thirst in the south, than with a nice tall cold glass of sweet sweet lemonade!**

**Psst...I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. If you want to be my beta (I'm begging here!) PM me! Oh, and REVIEW!**

Chapter 1

Welcome to Hell

The first few weeks after Edward left are hazy. I don't recall much; however, I do remember my mother visiting, begging me to return to Jacksonville. The thought of leaving Forks was unacceptable. This was the place where I knew his memory would remain. Nothing in this hellhole of a town would allow me to forget him. When Renee insisted, the dispute began. I hadn't spoken since _that_ day, but when the words were released, they were nothing anyone expected.

"Honey, I think it would be best if you came home, to Jacksonville. It would get you away from bad memories," Renee insisted.

_Bad memories? Every memory I have of Ed—of him, are HERE. _

"I am NOT leaving! This is my home. This is where I'm staying!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs. Then the uncontrollable sobbing began. I couldn't fathom leaving Forks. I wouldn't let his memory fade; if that's all I had to hold onto—a memory—then that's what I would do. Hold on for dear life, if you could call this living. I remained in somewhat of a comatose state for several days.

Saturday afternoon, between crying spells, I head Charlie talking on the phone with Renee.

"I'm not sure. She says she won't leave, but she needs to get out of here. She needs to get away from anything that reminds her of that bast—of Edward. She's been in her room since you left last week. I don't know what to do anymore." There was a brief pause before he continued, "The screams are the same; no worse, no better."

I decided then, if I could merely _exist_, I would. My father didn't deserve this. I would try to put my life back together, just enough to convince him I could—should—stay. I would push away all thoughts of—_gulp_—Edward, as long as possible. I could not be held responsible for what happened when I lay down at night, when all the repressed memories flooded my broken, burning heart.

Each night, alone in my room, the horror began. The rocking chair in the corner, the blue sweater hanging in my closet, even the bed I lay in were all just small mementos of the time spent with him. The ghost that haunted me whispered a reminder of everything I'd lost in the woods that day. Closing my eyes only made the images appear; they were much worse than the muted thoughts my conscience mind fabricated. The nightmares were the same; always in the woods, Edward just within my view. I could never reach him, no matter the countless number of times I tried. He would then disappear, leaving me alone in the darkest of places, surround by thirsty eyes. Bloodcurdling screams and heaving sobs would wake me from the pits hell that absorbed my darkest hours.

Charlie's somber sigh filled the house as he hung up the phone. I quietly crossed the hall to the bathroom so as not to disturb him. I needed to make some sort of attempt to convince Charlie. The face staring back in the mirror was unrecognizable. The flames that burned a hole in my heart licked within my dark eyes. Poor Charlie, poor Renee. They had no cause to suffer; I had no reason to put them through this torture. I would mourn in silence. I would burn alone.

I quickly combed through my tangled hair, placing it into a low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I brushed cosmetic powder across my face, trying to conceal my red nose and swollen eyes. I wasn't fooling anyone. I looked exactly like I felt—dead. I was broken and had no clue how to begin picking up the pieces.

My failed attempt to descend the stairs silently took Charlie's attention away from the television. Startled, he looked over his shoulder to the staircase.

"Bella, is everything ok?" he asked cautiously.

No, everything was not okay, but I mustered up my best lie.

"I'm fine Dad." Who was I kidding? I was far from fine, but I would have to deal with that later. Right now, I needed to concentrate on being normal. Well, for now, I would settle for not-so-broken. "Would you like dinner? Maybe Grandma Swan's lasagna?" I asked casually. Dinner should be a safe enough subject. Nothing in the kitchen should send me on an emotional rollercoaster.

"I'm glad you came downstairs. I've missed you," Charlie replied sincerely. My dad was usually a man of very few words. I knew he meant what he said, and frankly, I'd missed him too. "You know you don't have to cook, we can go to the diner if you'd like," he added quietly.

"I don't know if I'm up for the diner just yet, besides I don't mind cooking."

No amount of prodding would get me out of the house tonight. I was already pushing what control I had over my emotions, and going out would only cause me to lose it all over again. Charlie wasn't ready for that just yet, and honestly, neither was I.

I made my way into the kitchen to prepare dinner. When the lasagna was placed in the oven, I joined Charlie in the living room. I sat on the end of the couch closest to his chair and stared at the TV set. I tried to concentrate on the game, but it was all a blur. My mind found itself reliving the moments before he was gone. A few warm tears began to stream silently down my face. I had to find some way to cool the flames for a while; something to silence the cries that yearned to spill forth. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around knees. I just needed to hold myself together until nightfall. If the pain would slumber until then, I would welcome the nightmares and bloodcurdling screams, but only then.

Absorbed in my thoughts, the unexpected _ding_ from the oven timer startled me. My sudden gasp woke Charlie, who had been dozing in his recliner. He jumped to his feet as I passed his chair. "Huh…What is it!" he asked, still in a sleep induced stupor.

"It's okay, Dad. The timer just startled me." I made my way into the kitchen and over to the oven, turning it off. I hadn't heard Charlie enter until he was beside me.

"Bells, I really am glad to have you back." He embraced me in an awkward sideways hug. Did Charlie really think I was _back_? How could he be so convinced, when I wasn't so sure myself? I let out a small sigh, not knowing what to say to him. Feeling my uneasiness, Charlie took the oven mitt from my hands.

"Here let me get this," he said opening the oven door.

While Charlie removed the lasagna from the oven, I took a single plate from the cupboard and positioned it in front of Charlie's seat. As I turned to retrieve a spoon from the drawer, Charlie cleared his throat. "Aren't you gonna eat with me, Bells?"

"Um…Yeah. Sure, Dad." I was far from hungry, although I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. My appetite was lost along with so many other things that day in the woods. The thought of the dark, encroaching forest made me shudder.

_Focus, Bella. Charlie needs you right now. You can fall apart later._

Later. I anticipated "later". Shoving those thoughts from my mind until then, I took another plate from the cupboard and joined Charlie. He shoveled in heaping mouthfuls of lasagna as I pushed my portion around on my plate. Charlie seemed starved; how long had it been since I cooked? Surely, he'd been eating, but from the looks of it, I'd guess not. I wondered how long I'd been out of it, but the thought of trying to calculate back to that forsaken day, petrified me. Again, I shuddered.

_Just another hour or two, and the night is yours._ I didn't know if I was talking to myself, or to the ghost. Whichever didn't matter; the results would be the same.

Dinner was consumed without conversation. I silently cleared the table and started cleaning the kitchen. Charlie proceeded to help, but I shooed him away with excuses of needing to get back to _normal_. I couldn't help laughing to myself at the word. Nothing about me, nor my life, had ever been normal, but there's a first time for everything. Maybe, just maybe, I could find a norm; for now, I just needed to function until graduation. Then I'd be able to leave and choose to continue my charade or completely fall to pieces.

Cleaning didn't take as much time as I'd hoped, leaving me with the better part of an hour before I could retire to my room without suspicion. I crossed the living room, taking my place on the couch next to Charlie again. It seemed I would have to endure another ballgame, but that was much better than having to chat with Charlie. Thankfully, he wasn't one for talking, and I wasn't ready to open up to anyone just yet. Finally, the buzzer sounded, and I took that as my cue to leave the room.

I hurried up the staircase and into the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I turned the on the faucet, filling the tub with as hot of water as was tolerable. The heat radiating from the tub was no comparison to the flames that continued to torture my blazing heart. I slipped out of my clothes, and sank to my nose in the bath, relaxing as the warmth tingled against my skin. Then it started; the salty tears began to flow, just a slow trickle at first, then they came like a rapid torrent. I fought to contain the cries my body ached to scream. Sitting up, I pulled myself into a tight ball; all efforts of holding myself together tonight were in vain.

Edward's beautiful face crept into my mind. His angelic voice softly whispered, "Let go, Bella."

Obeying the voice I loved so much, I released myself and gradually lay back in the tub. The warm water slowly encased my body, then my face, drowning out Charlie's game below. My hair fanned out around me, clouding my vision. I exhaled slowly, bubbles rising to the surface. I closed my eyes and listened to the ghost's relentless whisper. Then everything was silent.

I felt myself slipping further into the abyss of my silent mind. The stillness was beautiful. The fire that once consumed me seemed to be only smoldering ashes now. Comfort. Quiet. Peace.

Charlie's rapping on the door brought me back to reality. I inhaled, pulling water down my throat and into my lungs. I quickly sat up, sputtering and gasping for air.

"Everything okay in there, Bells?" Charlie asked concerned.

I immediately got out of the bath, and wrapped myself in a towel. "Yes sir, I'm coming out now." My robe was hanging on the back of the door, so I pulled it around me, covering my wrinkled body.

"I was just worried. You'd been in there a while," he said. His eyebrows puckered with concern.

"I was just relaxing, Dad. Trying to soak the day away, you know." I smiled sheepishly.

Avoiding any more conversation, I tip-toed across the hall to my room, and locked the door behind me. The alarm clock on my nightstand revealed 9:15; I'd been in the bathroom over an hour. No wonder Charlie was concerned.

I quickly dressed in a tattered T-shirt and holey sweatpants, and climbed into bed. It wasn't particularly cold tonight, but I pulled the covers up to my neck anyway. I needed to feel safe. Tonight scared me worse than usual. I was afraid the results of my bath would catch up with me now, making tonight the most daunting of them all. I tried to keep my eyes open, fighting sleep best I could, praying I wouldn't have to pay for the calmness I felt earlier tonight.


	3. Walking Through the Flames

**A/N: Twilight is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. Any & all Twilight characters used in this chapter and any that follow do NOT belong to me, but to one, Stephenie Meyer. **

**PSA: Independent thinking lie ahead. Readers beware.**

**Rated M for language, future chapters, and for the citrus sitting on my counter waiting to be used. What better way to quench your thirst in the south, than with a nice tall cold glass of sweet sweet lemonade!**

**Psst...I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. If you want to be my beta (I'm begging here!) PM me! Oh, and REVIEW!**

Walking Through the Flames

Edward appeared, motionlessly, a few feet to my right. Behind me, I heard the sound of waves crashing the shoreline. This couldn't be right; I blinked several times trying to make sense of it all. When I turned back to look at Edward, I realized this was not the forest behind my home. No, I was someplace different, the beach. Edward walked closer to me, reaching for my hand. He tugged at my arm, pulling me away from the soothing waves, but I didn't want to go with him. The ocean seemed to be calling me. I pulled away from Edward and started down a path towards the sound of the waves.

"Bella, please don't go. Come back to me. Please don't leave," Edward pleaded.

Turning back toward him, I saw it. An orange fire danced in and out of the trees several yards behind Edward. The flickering mesmerized me, putting me in a trance. Suddenly the blaze grew closer. Accompanying the orange flames, were a pair of deep ruby eyes and a set of snow white teeth. _Victoria_. I opened my mouth to scream to Edward, but nothing came out. He stood still, smiling. Even in danger he was beautiful. Before I could move my feet to run to him, Victoria closed the distance between them. In one smooth motion, her bared teeth sank through the marble skin on his neck as she tore him limb from limb. Frozen, I could only watch in horror.

I woke up in a cold sweat, screaming loudly. This dream was nothing like those I'd had before. The image of Edward's torn body was etched in my brain. Afraid to close my eyes, I got out of bed and turned on my computer. I needed something to keep me awake. I was terrified to go back to sleep right now. Experiencing the dream again isn't something to which I looked forward.

My ancient computer slowly came to life. It took a few more minutes for my internet to find a decent dial-up connection. I was definitely going to have to talk to Charlie about a new computer and high speed internet. Christmas was fast approaching; maybe I would ask for it then. My mind was contemplating the up coming holidays, when all of a sudden it hit me. An epiphany! The tub, the dream; it was all me letting go—letting go of Edward. I could do this. I was okay. He didn't want me, but I was okay. I'd survived this long, so I could _continue_ to survive. I snickered aloud.

"I'm okay," I said aloud, chuckling. "I'm okay!" I said a little louder. That felt good. "I'm going to be okay!" I nearly screamed. Okay, maybe screaming wasn't the best option, because then I heard the sound of Charlie's feet darted up the stairs.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he said, snatching my bedroom door open. I ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

"I'm okay, Dad. I'm really going to be okay." I said laughing.

Charlie pushed me back at arms length. The look on his face was somewhat comical—a mix between confusion and pure joy. Just then, the corners of his mouth lifted into a grin. He pulled me close to him and hugged me tight. "Bells, I'm so glad you're okay," he said relieved.

At that point, the floodgates opened, and tears flowed from my tired eyes. "Dad, I'm so sorry for what I put you through. You deserved so much—''

"Bella. Just stop. We don't have to talk about any of that. I'm just so glad that you're _back._ You're really okay, aren't you?" Charlie couldn't believe it either.

Drying my eyes, I said, "Thanks, Dad. Thank you so much for everything. I know it's late, but do you think maybe tomorrow we could talk? I'd like to know what I missed the last couple of weeks."

He answered warily, "Yeah…sure. We can talk, but there's more to cover than just a couple of weeks."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Um, Bells, today is the 20th—of November. It's been two months."

"Two months? _Two_ months! I can't believe it. Why didn't you slap me out of it or something? I've missed the past two months! My friends—I bet I don't have friends anymore." I hung my head ashamed that I'd been wrapped in myself for so long.

"Actually, you have a couple of people who've checked on you regularly," Charlie said, the smile on his face widening.

"Really? Who?" I racked my brain, wondering who might still have hope for me after this long. Whoever they were, I was thankful that someone didn't give up on me.

"Mike Newton's called every couple weeks, and Jacob's called every Tuesday like clockwork." The smile on Charlie's face now stretched from ear to ear.

"Jacob? Jacob Black? Why was he calling? I don't really know him. Only through you and Billy being friends, you know." It didn't surprise me that Mike had checked on me, but Jacob's calling confused me. I didn't know him very well. I'd spent a couple of summers down at La Push with him and his sisters while Charlie and his dad, Billy, fished, but that had been so many years ago. Plus, if I remember correctly, Jacob was a few years younger than me.

"He was part of the search party the night I couldn't find you. Did you know his friend, Sam Uley, was the one who finally found you in the woods?" Charlie chose his words carefully. He didn't want to reignite any fires that had been put out tonight. "Okay, enough for tonight. Get to bed and we'll talk about everything tomorrow." Charlie kissed my cheek and bid me goodnight.

I was too anxious to sleep. What happened tonight? Whatever it was, I was thankful. I walked back into my room, past the bed, and to the computer that now awaited me. I logged on-line, and was greeted by "You've got mail." Four emails from Renee—I would answer those later—one from my friend Jessica, two from Mike, and several pieces of "junk" mail covered my screen. Not sure what to say to Mike, I shot Jessica a quick message; something generic and ended the message with "I'll see you Monday at school". I hoped they would still let me sit at their table.

_Had_ I been sitting with them? I concentrated, trying to remember everything from the past two months. School was a blur. No, I didn't sit with my friends anymore. I'd been sitting at the table where Edward and I first had lunch. I shook my head in disbelief.

_Pull it together, Bella. You're better than this. Renee would be—probably _**is**_—very ashamed that you let someone have this kind of pull over you._

But, as much as I loved this newfound high, I knew Edward wasn't just anyone. He had been so much more. He had been everything I wanted. But _he_ didn't want _me._ I would just have to live with that. Examining everything that had been revealed tonight, I knew the hole was still within my heart. The only thing that changed was the burn. It seemed though I had walked through the flames. Now, I just had to concentrate on staying on this side of them. No turning back now. I was determined to be _me_, or at least the Bella everyone here knew. It was time for a change. Tomorrow was the start of a new day, a new look on life, a new Bella. I was picking up the pieces. I was strong.

I yawned and stretched. Blinking my eyes, I knew it would only be a matter of minutes before I would be asleep. There was no fighting it anymore; too many sleepless nights were finally catching up with me. I climbed into bed and snuggled under the cover. The green glow from the alarm clocked shone 11:56, almost midnight. Morning would come too soon for my tired body. I drifted peacefully to sleep.

The smell of something burning woke me the next morning. I jumped out of bed, grabbed my robe and hurried down the stairs, trying to locate the fire. In the kitchen I found Charlie and a clump of black crispy bacon—the source of the burning. I laughed aloud as I pulled my robe tightly around me. Eggs were perfectly scrambled in a plate on the table, along with bread, toasted to golden perfection.

"Morning Dad. What happened in here?" I asking, grinning.

"I'm not sure. It just cooked too fast," Charlie said sheepishly.

I spotted his problem right away. Turning the heat from high to medium-low, I said, "You just had the eye too hot. Not that big of a problem."

"It wouldn't be a big problem if I hadn't burned _all_ the bacon," Charlie said. "I really wanted some, too."

I pushed the plate of burnt bacon his way and laughed, "Eat what you want, Dad. It's all yours."

Laughing along with me, Charlie dumped the bacon in the trash, then joined me at the table. Conversation was light as we ate. I didn't realize how hungry I was, until Charlie commented on my second heaping helping. "Whoa, kid. Slow down. There's plenty more."

"Sorry Dad. It's so good," I said shoveling in another mouthful.

After breakfast, I ran upstairs, and quickly dressed. By the time I made it back down, Charlie was already washing the dishes. "Dad, I would have gotten those. You don't have to cook or clean for me."

"I don't mind," he said. I didn't deserve Charlie. He had been so patient with me; anyone else would have given up weeks ago.

I grabbed a clean towel and dried the dishes Charlie was rinsing. As I was putting away the last dish, the phone rang. Charlie answered, "Hello?"

"Actually, much better. I don't know. Last night." I knew Charlie was talking about me, but to whom?

"I'll ask her. Hold on," Charlie said, turning to me. "Jacob wants to know if you're up for company."

"Uh, yeah. That would be great." I didn't know what to say. He'd been calling every week to check on me. How could I turn him down.

"Hey, Jacob," Charlie started.

"Wait, Dad," I interrupted. "How does he feel about me going there? I've been in this house way too long."

Handing the phone to me, Charlie smiled. "Here, ya'll work it out." I took the phone and Charlie left the room; I assume he was giving me some unneeded privacy.

"Hey, Jacob," I said, answering the phone.

"Hey, Bella. Did Charlie tell you I've been checking on you?" Jacob was enthusiastic.

"He did. I appreciated that. He also said you wanted to visit," I answered.

"Well, only if you're up to it. He said you seemed to feel better."

"Actually, I wondered if you'd mind me coming there. I've been in this house so long, I really would like to get out." I needed a break from the monotony of these four walls.

"Yeah!" he almost screamed. "When can you come?"

"As long as it's okay with Charlie, I can come now. Give me about twenty minutes." To my surprise, I was excited to go.

"Okay, see you soon." Jacob hung up the phone before I could respond.

"Hey, Dad," I called as I walked to the living room. Charlie looked at me over the top of today's newspaper. "Do you mind if I go to La Push and hang out with Jacob for a while?"

"Go on. Get out of here. Have fun." Charlie said, almost as thrilled as Jacob seemed to be.

"Thanks Dad." I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

Outside, the sun shone brightly. It was fairly warm for November, but I didn't complain. I hopped into the cab of my truck, and turned the key. She came to life with a loud roar, and I was on my way to La Push. It felt so good to be outside in the warm sun. I used to hate days like this, because it kept the Cullen's indoors. Anything that took Edward away from me was loathsome. The thought of Edward pained my heart. I knew he would never return. While it became easier to pull my life together, my heart still ached for him. The love I felt for him still burned as hot as it did the day I fell for him. Edward couldn't be replaced. I _wouldn't_ replace him. I would live as happily and fulfilled as possible, but I knew without him, my heart would always be incomplete.


	4. Smoldering the Ashes

**A/N: Mrs. Meyer has yet to confirm my acquisition for Twilight, so as of now, she's still raking in the big bucks, not me :( **

**PSA: Bella is crazy and Jacob is beautiful (as if you didn't already know this)**

**Rated M for language, future chapters, and for the citrus sitting on my counter waiting to be used. What better way to quench your thirst in the south, than with a nice tall cold glass of sweet sweet lemonade!**

**Psst...I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. If you want to be my beta (I'm begging here!) PM me! Oh, and REVIEW!**

Smoldering the Ashes

The drive to La Push was shorter than I remembered. The dreaded fishing trips must have made it seem longer when I was a child. I wondered what Jacob would want to do today. Hopefully fishing wasn't on the agenda. Parking my truck in the drive, I stepped out, the sun warming my skin. No longer needing my jacket, I shrugged out of it, and lay it across the seat of the truck. No sooner had I turned toward the house, I saw Jacob crossing lawn, practically running toward me.

"Hey Bella," Jacob said, stopping just inches away from me. Jacob was taller than I remembered. His long black hair, shining in the noonday sun, had fallen across one shoulder. His smile stretched across his face, his white teeth gleaming. Even his eyes glistened when he smiled. Jacob's whole being screamed HAPPY. I had never met someone so joyous. His smile was contagious. Before I knew it, I was grinning back at him.

"Hey, Jacob. It's good to see you. Man, you've gotten big." I couldn't get over his sudden growth spurt. The last time I'd seen Jacob was the night of prom. His dad had sent him to warn me about Edward, promising a part for his car in return for doing so. That reminded me, "Did you ever get that part you needed for the—what was it…the rabbit?"

"Yeah, it got it," he said looking down at his feet. Jacob didn't seem too thrilled about being at prom that night. Maybe it embarrassed him.

"Well, have you finished it, or are you still working on it?" I asked, trying to break the awkwardness of the situation.

"It's finished. Wanna see?" This seemed to perk him up, because he was pulling me toward an outbuilding before I could answer.

"Wait, slow down. My legs aren't as long as yours." He was already several steps ahead of me.

When I finally made it to the door of the make-shift-garage, Jacob was practically bouncing up and down.

"Close your eyes," he said.

"Jacob, if I close my eyes I can't see. Apparently _you_ don't know how clumsy I am." As much as I hated it, I was the clumsiest person on the face of the planet. I was the one who tripped over nothing.

"_Please_, Bella. I promise I won't let you fall," Jacob pleaded, holding his hand out to me.

"Fine," I sighed, taking his hand. The connection caused a forceful shock and I pulled back immediately. I looked up to see if he noticed it too. The only acknowledgement I received from Jacob was a sheepish grin.

I slowly reached for his hand. His rough calloused hands were warmer than any I'd ever felt (not that I'd held many hands). Looking down at his fingers intertwined with mine, I laughed.

"What's so funny?" he scowled.

"Look," I said. "I definitely look like an albino compared to you." It was true. Compared to Jacob, the color of my skin could have passed for a vam—

My head fell. I would not of them. That was no longer an option for me. He didn't want me forever as I'd wanted him. I wasn't good for him. I sniffed back a tear, as Jacob's free hand lifted my chin to look at him.

"I know what happened, and I won't talk about it. When and if you're ready, I'm here. Until then, it's just Bella and Jacob having fun. Will you let me do that for you? Show you how to have fun?" His eyes were serious as he asked, his fingers tightening around mine.

"I don't think broken fingers are very fun," I smirked, trying to lighten the mood.

Jacob sighed a little too dramatically. "Please forgive me Miss Bella, but I can't help you're so puny. When's the last time you ate?" He asked poking my side. "I can practically see your ribs."

"You stop that right now Jacob Black, or I'll go home. I'm a grown woman, I'll eat what I want, when I want. Are you going to show me the damn car or not?" I huffed, pulling my hand from his, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Geez, women," he muttered. "Come on, I'll show you. But you have to close your eyes."

I closed my eyes and waited, tapping my toe on the concrete. The screech of metal on metal filled my ears. Jacob took my right hand into his left, his right hand on the small of my back, and guided me into the garage.

"Wait right here. Don't move. I need to turn on the light," he said releasing from his hold. I immediately missed his touch. He was so warm, so tall and muscular, his bronze skin was beautiful. Jacob was yummy.

_Whoa, where the hell did that thought come from? _I knew I was blushing, because I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. Jacob? Yummy? Those are two words I'd never pictured in the same sentence. It was official, I was crazy. I thought the younger son of my father's best friend was yummy.

_Note to self: Have Charlie commit you when you get home._

"Why are you blushing," Jacob asked, his rough fingers like butter as the brushed my reddening cheeks.

_Like I'm telling you. Keep that up and my cheeks with be red permanently. _

"Nothing, just excited about see the car," I lied.

"Well, open you eyes. It's not much, but it's mine," he said proudly.

It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the brighter lights inside his garage, but when they did, I caught a glimpse of a beautiful site. Jacob was standing by his car, his smile wide across his face, revealing a beautiful set of white teeth. His eyes sparkled, and his ebony hair shone beneath the fluorescent bulb. He suddenly looked broader and more muscular than he did when we were outside. I couldn't bring myself to stop staring.

"Like what you see?" he asked, wagging his eyebrows.

"Uh-huh," I squeaked. I was thankful my mouth didn't betray me, because my mind was screaming _'Uh….huh. I very much like what I see.'_

_Get a grip Bella. Stop this line of thinking before you start drooling and, you embarrass yourself. Jacob is still a child. What are you thinking? Edward, think of what Edward would say._

For the first time in a long time, I had a logical thought.

_**Edward? EDWARD! Edward left me. HE left ME. He didn't want me any more. And I don't know that Jacob is a child. Hell, I'm eighteen. I don't have to run my thoughts by you before I think them.**_

**_A/N_: I'm sooooo proud of Bella. My crazy little vamp obsessed girl is growing up. And daydreaming about younger men! Way to go. If you enjoyed this chapter or any others, cwick da wittle button. Yep, THAT one!**


	5. Water to the Fire

**A/N: Apparently Mrs. Meyer doesn't check her email, so I'm still not in possession of this money maker. Although, when she reads this, Twilight will be re-thunk (is that even a word), and she will contact me for my wonder ideas. LOL.**

**Hey if you're gonna dream, dream big dammit!**

**PSA: Bella's still crazy, Jacob is getting sexier by the minute, and Edward's a douche.**

**This chapter was written as a filler. I know it's not long, but I needed it in order to get to something else!**

**Oh, I still don't have a beta, but I've tried to correct my own mistakes. I'm sure it's perfect and there isn't the "frist" -lol mistake!**

Water to the Fire

What the hell? Did I seriously just have a conversation with myself?

_Yes. Yes you did._

_**So I did. But I'm right, Edward left me. If he's not moping, why should I?**_

I knew the Edward-shaped hole would always be there, but the blaze that once tortured me was quickly smoldering. Jacob seemed to quench the flames. Jacob—in all his teenage glory. _Jacob_.

"Bella. Bella? Earth to Bella…" Jacob was waving his hand in front of my face. "_Great_. I think I lost her," he muttered. "Hello? Is anyone home?"

"Sorry. Guess I got caught up in my own thoughts," I said, trying to shake all thoughts of Jacob.

"I don't know what you were thinking, but keep it up. You were grinning ear to ear. First time I've really seen you smile. I like it."

My cheeks burned again as I blushed. He'd definitely think I was crazy if he knew what was going on in _this_ brain.

"So, do you like the car?" he asked, breaking my train of though, keeping it from chugging further into oblivion.

_Chugging? Are you suddenly into trains now?_

_**Oh just shush, before I forget what I'm saying.**_

"Yeah, I do. When did you finish?"

"A couple weeks ago. I know it runs, but I haven't driven it yet." Looking down, he kicked at the dirt with the toe of his shoe.

"We'll, let's ride. I've got my license, and I'm going to at least pretend you have a learner's permit," I said, ducking under his arm, to slide into the passenger seat.

Jacob was in the driver's seat, cranking the car, before I had closed my door.

"I'll let you drive me around under two conditions, young man," I prodded him. "One, you buckle up, and two, you obey the speed limit."

Melting my heart with a smile I was growing to love, Jacob replied, "Yes, ma'am."

"Ma'am? Really?" I questioned him. His smile just grew bigger before he winked at me.

As Jacob pulled out of the small garage, he rolled down his window, the wind whipping through his long, ebony hair. _Beautiful_, I silently thought.

Riding with Jacob was different with riding with Edward, or any of the Cullen's for that matter. Where they were always speeding, always in a rush, Jacob's driving was leisurely. We had no where to go, no where to be. It was just he and I.

I sighed in content, as I lay my head back and just enjoyed the ride.

_Ya know, a girl could get used to this._

**_Yes, a girl could definitely get used to this._**

As we pulled down the gravel path to his garage, I opened my eyes and look over at Jacob. He had pulled in long hair back into a low ponytail at the nape of this neck. Without thinking, I reached over and gave it a soft, playful tug.

"Hey," he said, tugging mine in return.

Just as Jacob pulled the car into the garage and switched off the engine, I heard his stomach growl. He blushed and it was just the most adorable thing.

_Adorable? Jacob isn't adorable. He's sexy as…_

**_Hey, do you have to question_ everything?_ And if I say he's adorable, then he's adorable. Just look at him._**

Grinning like a jackass eating briars, I turned to look at Jacob. The look I got in response is one of confusion. His left eyebrow was raised, brown eyes staring at me like I'd lost my mind.

"Where did you just go? I've been calling your name for five minutes," Jacob said.

"I'm sorry, I get lost in this head of mine," I grinned sheepishly.

"Well, I'm starving and could use some lunch. How do sandwiches and a picnic sound?" he asked, opening his door and stepping out of the car.

"A picnic Jacob? What are you? Ten?" I opened the door and stepped out. Unfortunately my exit was anything but graceful, and I ended up face first in a pan of grease on the garage floor.

_God, Bella, you are such a klutz. And you've ruined my favorite shirt. _

_**Tell me something I don't know.**_

_Umm…Jacob's laughing at you?_

When I finally decided to get up, Jacob was there with a hand and a paper towel, trying to silent his laughter.

"I know, I know. Laugh it up. Bella the klutz; I'm like a circus side show." I tried to laugh off my embarrassment.

Taking the towel, he wiped my face, helping to clean me off.

"Thanks, but I think it's rather hopeless. I'm a mess. I should just go home." What a way to ruin a rather perfect day. I hadn't had that much fun since I couldn't remember when.

"Do you really have to leave? We can go in and let you change. You can borrow one of my shirts. You don't have to leave. I've enjoyed having you here. Uh, I've had fun, I mean." Jacob was rambling.

"Sure. I'll get cleaned up and then we'll have that picnic."

**Love it? Want more? Hate it? Think Bella needs meds for her inner rambling? THEN REVIEW! I'm a big girl...I can take it! Wow, I've officially become a review whore. Tsk tsk tsk...what is this world coming to...**


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